Riley Turner

( …you’re the worst. )

( Riley Daniel Turner )

It’s official.

Twilight has become the bane of my existence.

Stephanie Meyers should be sued for making stalkers seem appealing. I have tried for months to avoid those books, but I actually sat down to read the first one the other day (as a means of being able to relate to the mini-Bella’s in my classes) and nearly gouged out my eyes. I swear, if my ears started bleeding due to the massive hemorrhage that occurred when he licked her tears (I kid you not, the bastard licked her tears) I would not have been surprised.

We should remove that section of the brain that allows that woman to dream up such cliché plot lines, and install some logic – something she so obviously lacks. Does that woman know anything about mythology? Did she do her research? I’m genuinely curious, because the man/woman/thing that made sparkling vampires seem plausible should also be sued.

Now, I’m aware that the things don’t exist, but if you’re going to write a story that has vampires in it, do the world – nay, do yourself a favor and don’t give them lip gloss and make them stalker-creepy, or you will be despised by people who know what good literature looks like.

With that being said, this Calvin and Hobbes strip is fantastic. Oh Calvin. You riot, you.

Character Name: Riley Daniel Turner
Character Journal: coach_turner
Character Aim: notadamnpirate
Character PB: Jensen Ackles
Age: 31
Birth Date: November 5th, 1978
Sexual Orientation: Straight
Faux-celeb: No
Career/Job: High School English teacher/Baseball coach
Link to biography: Here
Examples: First Person Third Person